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tv   At Midnight  Comedy Central  January 28, 2014 2:00am-2:31am PST

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captioning sponsored by comedy central >> chris: it's 11:59 and 59 seconds. this happened at the grammys last night and it's taken over the internet today. that was lovely day for a mass wedding at the grammys. 33 happy couples walked down the aisle to macklemore and ryan lewis. the right reverend queen latifah
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and some form of madonna strolled out on the stage looking like a middle aged southern pimp. (laughter) or like some type of baronest of a weird friday chicken chain. comedians, you are all fashion connoisseurs, what is a good name for this madonna look? michael somehow walter go! >> cowboy fabulous. >> kerri kenny-silver? >> don't tell me i can't wear white to a wedding. i'm madonna bitches. >> chris: michael ian black? >> (bleep) a virgin! (laughter) >> chris: it's time for @midnight! (cheers and applause) welcome to @midnight. i'm chris haar wick. we're very excited today. this is a very special @midnight tonight because we have three former members of one of my favorite sketch groups of all time "the state."
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(cheers and applause) this thing was so good! there they are. i think that's about a tenth of you, right? there were like 100 members of the state. >> there were 11 members of "the state." >> chris: tonight's comedians are writer and producer michael showalter. (cheers and applause) from "reno 911" it's kerri kenney-silver. (cheers and applause) and co-host of a podcast on earwolf, it's michael ian black. (cheers and applause) it's great to see you guys together again. you guys have done comedy for over 20 years together. this is kind of a ninny reunion. i don't know if you realize this but we captured footage of you guys backstage before the show. >> oh! >> chris: as part of the reunion
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and it was a special moment. let's take a look. >> you know (bleep) both of you guys. (bleep) you! >> no you know what? (bleep) you and (bleep) you (bleep) (bleep). (laughter) (bleep) (bleep) you! (laughter) it's so great to have you guys here! now let us start with our internet show ripped from today's internet headlines it's "rapid refresh." first foreign buzz in the correct answer gets 100 points. rapper pharrell williams wore this hat at last night's grammys. (laughter) did he murder a prospecter? (laughter) there's gold! this, of course sparked pharrell's hat twitter handle a tweet from arby's asking pharrell to return its hat. (laughter) seen here.
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and a series of delightful memes. which of the following memes got the most retweets. a) smoky the bear's real twitter account. b.) this curious george people with the caption "spring book 2014." or c) a fa rell as toy story's woody captured to infinity and beyonce. mike black? >> smokey bear a! >> chris: the correct answer is a for 100 points. >> i was hoping the answer was going to be woody because i wanted to hear everybody say woody. >> chris: the biggest winner last night wasn't on the grammys it was royal rumble winner batista but it was truly america who won because we were all witnesses to the epic w.w.e. fan freakout filmed by this gentleman's incredibly understanding and patient girlfriend and then posted on world star hip-hop. >> michael!
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>> this lasted for (bleep) until the next whistle! go! (laughter) >> chris: okay. this guy's girlfriend filmed this. there is no reason why anyone should be single ever! (laughter) there is clearly someone for everyone! (laughter) >> i just -- i would have put my news a different t-shirt if i had known he was going to be all over the u.b.s.. >> i would have given him a different body if i'd known he was going to be on youtube. >> he was very upset about batista. which of the following real comments received the most up votes. a) bra got a beard and toys. b) some "n" word i can't say wear rock fella shirts because that's the only brand that sells 6-xl.
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nutella, please. (laughter) or c) i have a feeling his house smells like funyuns feet and dirt. mike black? >> c! >> chris: the correct answer is in fact b! that doesn't even make sense! nutella's not a thing that wears shirts! no it's not. we should move on quickly before we dissect this too carefully around someone accidentally says something racist. time for tonight's hashtag wars. (cheers and applause) all right "the state" was one of the greatest sketch comedy shows on mtv in the 1990s. twlerp around the same time almost. >> back in the 1900s. >> the 1990s kids, that was before we had machines! (laughter) >> chris: well, in honor of your guy's show we decided to make
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our hashtag tonight "sad t.v. shows." (audience reacts) basically making a t.v. show title sad. so instances would be "all in the death in the family." or "slaves by the bell." or "reno 9/11." (laughter) so i'll put 60 second on the clock starting now. go. showalter? >> "the wheel of misfortune." >> chris: points! kerri kenney. >> "how i left the guy i think might be your father." >> chris: very sad tale. points. mike black? >> the braidsy bunch. >> chris: why is that sad? >> it's got "aids" in the middle of it. >> chris: points. i have to give him points. show walter? >> "downer abbey." >> chris: kerri kenney? >> the big gang bang theory. >> chris: not so sad! >> it is if it's happening to you. >> chris: mike black? >> full house of children orphan bid the earthquake in haiti. >> chris: points!
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that's very sad. kerri kenny? >> " >> "america's got crabs." >> chris: trau statement. mike black? >> dora the bicurious explorer. >> chris: points. the mike show walter? >> chernobyl 5-0. >> chris: kerri? >> law and order special olympics unit. (laughter and applause) >> chris: points! mike? >> the "tonight show" with conan o'brien! >> chris: points! that was a sad thing that happened. definitely. excellent. that is the end of hashtag wars. please send us your hashtags sad t.v. shows and tag them @midnight to keep this going. we'll be right back with more @midnight.
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(cheers and applause) >> chris: welcome back! this is a very special "the state" reunion episode of @midnight. it's time to play "special skills." (applause) actors all over the world goes to sites like www.backstage.com
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that include really specific entries like the special skills category. that's basically where you say you can do a lot of stuff and you can say "? f someone ever asks me i'll (bleep)ing figure it out." like for instance this actress dancer model artist type person. so if you guys need an athletic poet yogi who can rollerblade cross eyed with a caribbean accent addie banks is your gal. comedians, i'm going to show you an actor's head shot we found on www.backstage.com. you buzz in with a funny special skill you think they'd poe says. here's the first one. that lady. show walter? >> can rotate head 360 degrees like the exorcist. (cheers and applause) also speaking in tongues and doe monic possession. >> chris: points. yes mike black? >> no left side. (laughter) >> chris: how is that a special skill? >> you try not having a left
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side. >> chris: well i don't want to try not having a left side. i'm sorry. okay points. i'm sorry. next one? next. that guy. mike black? >> hogwarts custodian. >> chris: yes! he looks exactly like filch! show walter? >> juggling. (laughter) >> chris: wait! that is the end of that game. before we get to tonight's live challenge it's so great to have you here and it's unfortunate the rest of the cast couldn't be here. there's so many members of "the state" and it was such a great ensemble cast. >> thank you chris. people ask us all the time is the state going to get back together? it's hard to get us together because there's so many people that frankly we don't see each other as often as we'd like to. >> let's face it at least joe lo truglio isn't here. nobody's missing him! (laughs) >> guys! guys i'm here.
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>> chris: hey! it's joe lo truglio! (cheers and applause) you all look terrific. you look great. i dress like this now since globes. (laughter) >> chris: for those of you who don't know joe is on a show nobody watches called "brooklyn nine-nine." >> it's so great to see you guys. i rarely see any of the other guys, like that guy glen garant. >> chris: ben garant. >> i stood right in line in front of him for 45 minutes. >> joe! good to see you. (cheers and applause) did globe's change you? and not in a good way. (laughter) >> yeah i work here now. i'm here everyday. >> oh you do crafts service in >> i brought you your coffee, yes. >> it needed more cream. (laughter)
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>> tom is here too but i haven't seen him in years. >> oh i heard he passed. >> i think that might be true. >> hi did pass. (cheers and applause) >> tom lennon. tom lennon. >> tom lennon was such a good beatle. >> he was one of the best beatles. >> i pretend to lose this show two nights a week. >> pretend really pretend or losing for real? >> note yot you'll never know ♪ >> i'm so glad you're not dead! >> i would love to get "the state" together. i'm a huge fan of a couple of you guys. (laughter) and i would love -- i mean we'll never get -- some people -- like we'd never get david wain for example. >> he's busy. he's got all the independent spirit awar directing stuff and -- >> i'm right here you guys. right here. (cheers and applause) i'm subbing for my friend bruce
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on camera two today so -- (laughter) i'm also directing the show. okay let's get another shot of the three panelists ready camera 1 and go. (laughter) >> you know who i remember from "the state" -- >> who was that? >> he looked like a pedophile he used to wreck a lot of stuff. >> short guy? >> no taller guy. >> gay guy? >> no. >> black guy? >> it was never a black guy. michael jann. we'll never see that guy again. >> (coughing) i haven't seen you guys in like three to five years. (laughter) i'm not goo into gay or pedophilia anymore. >> congratulations. >> thank you. the guy who'd be really hard to get is ken marino. i haven't seen him since i stopped going to meetings. >> i want to dip my balls into it! (cheers and applause) >> chris: ken marino!
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thank you! another huge hand for "the state"! (cheers and applause) >> chris: it's time for our first live challenge amazon win. >> your favorite game! >> you've never seen this show before have you? >> no! >> chris: sometimes amazon offers that one single stone that helps you slay two birds. such with this case of aurora master, a multicolor iphone wave night light by someone named leanne. can you read this review for us? >> why the hell not? "this product was a hit with hi three-year-old son and with the ability to plug in your ipod. ". >> chris: you can read a little slower. (laughter) >> and more uhs! >> chris: you're doing that thing they do! >> this has made bedtime less of
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a fight and more of an enjoyable experience. it also helps my husband stop masturbating so much as he is mesmerized by the light show and falls asleep too soon. gone are the nights of my son screaming and my husband hitting me in the back with his "elbow." i no longer need two bottles of wine and nyquil just to have a good night's sleep. >> chris: excellent! so comedians over the break i would like you to write a review of this aurora master night light as leanne's husband. we'll get your answers after the break and we'll be back with
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>> chris: welcome back to @midnight "the state edition." ken marino red this review of aurora night life by someone named leanne. i asked you guys to write another review of it as her husband. let's see what you wrote. mike show walter? >> i used to buy my baloney all the time but now i just stair at my boy's night lull. thanks." >> chris: kerri kenney? >> it took away the last thing i
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had to look forwoord to in this world. masturbating. soft light perfect for murdering wife in sleep. >> chris: michael ian black? >> my alcoholic and drug-addicted wife falls asleep faster so i can sneak out and give it to the girl down at the burger place. five stars. (applause) >> chris: excellent. you know what (bleep) it. everyone gets a thousand points. (cheers and applause) that was an excellent segue to take us into our next game "cringeworthy." (applause) a redditor recently asking requested using only three words how much can you make me cringe?" we turned it into a game. joe lo truglio get on up here! joe lo truglio everyone! so i'm going to put you right here. normally you'd get points if you could make me cringe with three words but now you can make joe lo truglio cringe that's how
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you get points. every time he cringes you get 250 points. go. mike black? >> ke$ha's pube big stubble. >> chris: points. kerri kenney? >> grant has age beads. (laughter) >> chris: i saw an eyebrow twist. show walter? >> dungeonest crab poop. >> chris: no points? okay points points. next one? mike black? >> samberg's sloppy seconds. (audience reacts) >> chris: points! kerri kenney? >> bieber's bed stains. >> chris: points. showalter? >> turkey gravy brain fart. >> chris: too many words! no points.
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thank you so much joe lo truglio. that's the end of cringe worthy and unfortunately, we have to say good-bye to one member of "the state" and that person is you mike showalter. >> i knew it. >> chris: i'm so sorry. do you have any final words? >> i'm out of here! >> chris: yes! i'd give you points but it's too late. time to shake things up for the win. you can meet all manner of people on craigslist mostly serial killers. you can meet animal lovers. the following post is entitled "feline lap surrogate" and hear to read for us is david wain and michael patrick jann! come on up! (applause) >> all right here's the review. this title says it all. "i work from home and i need someone to sit next to me and allow my cat to sit on their lap. the cat is attention seeking and
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has been decreasing my productivity as of late. this is a morning shift from 8:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. at $15 per hour." >> "i do not mean anyone in the afternoon since the sun warm it is window sill by that point and the cat will prefer the window sill to a lap. breakfast and lfrj will be provided each day. you must have experience handling cats no allergies and a plus for experience with older cats. mine is 18 years old." >> so it's not a long-term job. comedians, please respond as an interested feline lap surrogate. we'll have our comedianss
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the welcome back to @midnight. this is the moment you've been waitinging for. it's "for the win." i'm going to wipe the screens wipe, wipe wipe. it comes down to this head-to-head challenge. i'll read the answers without revealing who wrote them. normally the studio audience would pick the winner but tonight we will pick a winner based on a jury of your peers. so however the rest of the state reacts is who is the funniest person for the next 23 and a half hours. before the break i showed you a craigslist of someone looking for a feline lap surrogate and asked you to respond as an interested feline lap surrogate. let's see what you wrote. the first answer was: dear anal weirdo, i will spet your stupid cat and feed your dumb fat face and wipe your saggy ass. thank you for this wonderful
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opportunity you freak. or my lap your cat hereby's the twist i pay you! the (laughter) >> this is what it's like being in "the state." >> chris: well this is a first but i don't believe we can declare a winner because they didn't react. no winner tonight on @midnight! when "the state" gets together, no one wins! i'll give myself points. i win! until then keep the game going on @midnight. another huge hand for "the state" you guys. see you tomorrow on @midnight. good night! - dude, these edm fests are insane, man. look at this, dude. we gotta go. i say we give up our rock star lifestyles and go straight electronic dude. - uh, i don't know if i can sign off on that. i got a bunch of unplugged albums that i'm still spinning heavily. the alanis ones? unreal. - wow. god, though look at these neon titties.
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